Savage Chickens - Badass Names

Another beardkiller.

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26 Responses to Badass Names

  1. vijay says:

    Follicle intimidator. *I* got scared – no need to even think about my follicles.

  2. Antonio says:


    What about “tea-sturber” for spoons? 🙂


  3. Teleri says:

    Well _that’s_ the way to get kids help in the household and brush their teeth regularly

  4. Adam says:

    Hmm, I don’t think “Plaque Eviscerator” or “Follicle Intimidator” are going to catch on at my house.

  5. Dood says:

    Given that this is a chicken comic the ‘egg thrasher’ is totally traumatizing!

  6. Seraphine says:

    how about that tank top that’s commonly referred to as a wife beater? how weird… um, badass… is that???

  7. knuckles says:

    thats what chuck norris has always called em!

  8. Ian C says:

    I usually use the same style of names to refer to my various ex-girlfriends! “Drain Clogger” and “CD Stealer” are a couple of my favorites, although clearly no where near as badass as the sound of “Follicle INTIMIDATOR”.

  9. Keith says:

    Um… not to nitpick or anything, but could we maybe swap terms so that items 3 and 4 become “plaque thrasher” and “egg eviscerator” respectively?

    I say that ’cause “eviscerate” implies that the object has viscera, i.e. guts. I don’t think plaque does, but eggs do (albeit in embryonic form). Or maybe I’m just overanalyzing.

    Maybe dental floss could be a “plaque garrote”! But then again, does plaque have a neck? Okay, now I really am overanalyzing.

  10. Zork says:

    so…by this logic, a remote control becomes, uhm, Blunt Object of Destiny?
    ooh ooh, a cell-phone becomes Tumor Producer, and a Crackberry becomes Thumb Breaker.
    But if your toothbrush is an eviscerator, you need to a) not brush so damn hard, and b) get your gums checked by a professional. (viscera=blood n guts)

  11. Zork says:

    oh, and are non-chicken days common enough now that no one remarks on them?
    oh part deux @ seraphine, you’re totally right that’s pretty sinister but in my experience there is a certain demographic where it might be uncannily accurate…

  12. Generic says:

    Considering that there’s 56 chickenless stickies, I’d assume yes.

  13. Doug says:

    @Zork & @Keith – you’re totally right about “eviscerate”. But logic doesn’t matter when you’re badass!

  14. shanadian says:

    It’s hard to have “badass” describing anything that has to do with chickens. After fifteen years, I can tell you. Chickens just have a hard time being badass… there are biker chick pictures, yeah, but those aren’t really badass.

    But I imagine that Doug will find a way to make a chicken badass, won’t you?

  15. Doug says:

    @shanadian – You bet I will! Oh wait I already did draw a badass chicken!

  16. I’m going to use “beardkiller.”

  17. Keith says:

    @Doug: can we look forward to a “biker chick” cartoon soon? Now that would be badasssssssss.

  18. Aud says:

    OH my gosh…I love the follicle intimidator.

  19. jim w says:

    that’s awesome!!

  20. Tom says:

    The old Norse, who were Vikings and so intrinsically badass, called this a ‘kenning’. So for instance a sword (already badass) could be a wound-hoe (becoming double badass), a boat (the Viking long type with a dragon on the front – badass) could be a wave-steed (again, double badass), and so on.

    Quite probably Mr Savage knows this, but i thought i would educate other readers. It is a key technique in linguistic badassery.

  21. Tony McGurk says:

    I am almost too afraid to go to the kitchen & bathroom now…

  22. Bread scorcher is far too accurate for my toaster…

  23. Inori says:

    and my car is called The Antichrist.

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